Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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