Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
