You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
