Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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