Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
