it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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