This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
