AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
