So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
