During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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