that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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