I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
