every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
