literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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