I think I won the penis lottery.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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