I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your dad touched me again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
