My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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