He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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