I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
