I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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