Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
