The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
