So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
