we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
