Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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