$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm really busy with my period
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