Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
