I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
