I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
