So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
