thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
