I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
