this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I didn't notice because vodka
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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