I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
