I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
