next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she told me i tasted like america
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
