He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
