i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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