ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize