I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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