We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
