Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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