ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
