Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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