I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
