so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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