No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
