how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
