How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
