Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
