nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
