I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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