even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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