My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
