I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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