I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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