she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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