If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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