Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
