i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
