1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize