Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
