I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize