how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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