I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
